Living Life

For weeks now I have been intending to write a blog entry, but I guess I’ve just been too busy living life.  Feeling good has prompted me to catch up with need to-dos and venture off on some want to-dos.  I left Mexico almost six weeks ago, I keep track by the number of CBCs I’ve had since.  These blood draws break down what’s happening in my blood, white cells, red cells, platelets, H&H, and so forth.  At center stage is my overall white blood cell count.  I wait in anticipation for the weekly results as it is the biggest immune system indicator.  Upon leaving Tijuana after the Bio-immune cell therapy it was at a 2.8, the highest it’s been since this whole ordeal started.  A week later it had dropped to 2.4 then 2.1.  I waited out my concern to see the next few weeks level things out, another 2.1 then a 2.2.  Meanwhile, all of my other numbers remained steady, near or within “normal” parameters.  Last Friday’s WBC had climbed to 2.4.  Optimism!  My day of celebration will be when my WBC hits 4.0.  Neutropenic no more!

Raw Veggie Juice!

My at home treatment following the trip to Angeles Hospital has become somewhat of a normal day-to-day activity.  Getting on board with the supplement regime took hours of online shopping and upon arrival, hours of organizing, almost to the extent of an Excel spreadsheet.  As with most things though, I’m going off my rough draft and memory.  Once, twice, or three times a day?  With food?  On an empty stomach?  Alpha-Lipoic, Nutri-A, D3 drops, Mega GLA, Resvertrol, Shark oil, Complete B, DHEA, Ginseng, VSL-3, high-dose Melatonin…  It’s a full time job.  Adjusting the diet was another challenge.  I’ve spent a lifetime improving my diet and making modifications.  What at one time seemed impossible happens naturally when you know it’s time.  In this case the shift was with dairy and sugar.  The two weeks at Angeles broke my cravings.  After meals I’d pace to the tune of my sweet tooth, arghhhh, a piece of ginger had to suffice.  Now, at home, the freezer is sans ice cream and label reading at the grocery has gone to a ridiculous new level.  There is sugar in everything!  The rice milk I made a healthy switch to years ago has now been dropped because of its sugar content.  I’ve found that a blend of unsweetened almond and coconut milk are way better anyway.  The veggie consumption has increased so much I’ve already broke one juicer.  Luckily, Craigslist procured a second for a low low price.  My last batch of carrot, celery, ginger, lime and apple I have to say was quite delightful.  I’ve also given up on red meat and pork, sigh, that means bacon, or as we fondly refer to it, Manfruit.  That means more fish!  The kind that’s not farm-raised with color added to make it look real.  And, as I found out, you even have to be careful with wild caught.  That, like so many other things, comes from China. 

Thanks for the visit!

In the midst of all dietary planning and implementation I’ve been psyched to take advantage of improved energy.  Larkin and I joined our local tribe to celebrate the solstice at iLumifest.  I even taught a yoga workshop!  I was thrilled with a visit from my Missoula boyz that same weekend.  John, Shawn and Kris ventured down for a whirlwind visit that included grilling, a festival appearance, and following tradition, a game of Texas Hold ‘em.  The mounting tasks of bills, paperwork and organizing held my attention for the entirety of the next week.  Nearly 100 envelopes requesting my funds were sorted and mostly recycled.  I also managed to fill out an application for CICP and a follow up with Social Security.  I was officially accepted by the state as an indigent and am awaiting the word on supplemental security income.  Since I am learning to deal with putting my pride aside, I’ll apply for food stamps next.  I have for years been plotting an early retirement, I guess you never know how things will manifest.  That aside, the past weeks have also been filled with a mildly complex vehicle rearrangement.  Larkin had been shopping for a 4Runner after deciding to part with her maintenance-ridden Audi.  I opted in by contributing the sale of my Ford Ranger, which never really fit me anyway.  After a month of shopping and a trip to Salt Lake City, Larkin now owns a beautiful black 2000 4Runner that she lets me drive when I’m extra nice.  We christened it with a voyage over the Rockies.  A stop in Vail to visit Beth (post hip surgery) and her folks, a reunion with my Youth Rally family in Boulder, and a visit with family from my mom’s side in Longmont.  It was a great trip that felt very reuniting for me in many ways.  It also provided Larkin a big glimpse into my world that I believe brought us closer.  She’s hooked on camp anyway.  Perhaps we’ll tag team Youth Rally 2013 in Seattle!

Crazy Camp Counselors!

I have been psyched to have the energy and enthusiasm to be as active as I have.  There is certainly an elevated level of planning and patience to merge the dietary needs with getting out.  I’ve also been working through troubling joint and tendon pain.  The overall consensus from docs and Queen Google are that it is a chemo side effect.  I’ve also wondered if it’s related to one of the pharmaceuticals I’m taking due to my neutropenia.  The page long dictation of potential side effects includes tendon pain and possibility of rupture, no bueno!  There is also concern of arthritis, which can be associated with auto-immune diseases such as Chron’s and Colitis.  I continue to assume that it is not cancer related as it feels different than bone pain and I’m not experiencing fatigue or dizziness.  All of this said, I am truly feeling optimistic about my last treatment and am fully on board with what I have been asked to do dietarily.  I am also doing my best to access deeper aspects of healing.  The biggest part of that, I believe, is simply being present and positive.  But just “being” is such a challenge.  That’s why gurus and sages for centuries have had no shortage of work.  For me, it’s living life with a heightened awareness of the precarious balance required to be healthy.  It’s being engaged and actively participating with “reality” while making the time to truly practice self-care.  It is a practice of falling off and getting back on.  What lies ahead will be determined as it unfolds.  I have put off a bone marrow biopsy until Larkin and I return from a trip to Montana.  For now, it is vacation time!  And, taking a break from it all, I’ve decided, is the best medicine.