Blurry Days - Round 2 Chemo

The first take of this video I thought it was Tuesday.  Wednesday, actually.  The days have been a slow motion kind of blur, but they're passing fast.  It's late Wednesday and the next bag of chemo is currently dripping at 190 mL/hr into my veins.  Tightness in the chest, I think due to liquid overload in my system.  I've also got 150 mL/hr of sodium bicarbonate dripping into a second port.  That's to keep my system alkalized, particularly to keep my uric acid levels low to protect my kidneys.  I've been dripping steroid eye drops into my very healthy eyes to protect them from possible adverse effects.  My vision has always been great and I covet my sight, very nervous dripping chemicals into my eyes.  So much trust is necessary through this process.  This video was recorded late afternoon today after a day of "doing time." I sit in my room looking out of windows with blinds that don't recede, kind of like looking through bars.  Three square meals and a bed and a clock ticking on the wall.

I am grateful my body so far is handling the chemo with very few side-effects.  I just hope the chemo is doing what it's supposed to do to the cancer cells.  The first go round didn't quite have the desired effect, so this time we're "hitting it hard" as my cancer doc said.  The anxiety of what that means to my body so far has been worse than any actual ramifications.  Each time a new bag of chemo starts I bless it, write positive words on it with a Sharpie, and ask it to focus its work on the dis-ease in my body while avoiding the healthy and productive cells.  Especially be kind to my digestive system!  Perhaps it is listening and we are working together.  The focus is certainly on chemo as friend, not foe.  The next dose starts at nine in the morning, then I'll have a day off.  The final doses are Friday night and Saturday morning, and trusting that I am not having complications of any sort I will get to go home.  I move forward, doing my best to stay centered and express emotions as they arise.  I do my best to continue to come back to all of the healing energy I have access to, inside and out.  One blurry day at a time...